13 3 / 2011
What kills me the most
is when my emotions are wildly unstable when I am at home. I get extremely happy so easily, but then everything just goes downhill after something so little that my mother says or my father does or even after something they don’t say or do at all. I breakdown trying to hold back my tears minutes after I was laughing laughing and singing random songs that were running through my head. Or I get so mad I bang my head against the wall and wish I were dead. & I can’t seem to find the answer. Is it my family that’s so screwed up? Or is it just me? I’ve blamed my family for so long for making me so miserable all the time, but I just don’t know anymore. My siblings aren’t half as messed up as I am. I’m the only one that has physically harmed myself, cussed out loud, and made friends that aren’t up to my parent’s standards. Maybe there’s just something terribly wrong with me that I’ll never be able to fix. I don’t know what to do, who to talk to, where to go. Oh God, I really wish I had someone by my side to help me through what I’m feeling right now. I just don’t know if I can keep going on feeling like this.
